And here we are at the end of another year and the start of a new one. I really have to admit i knew it was coming but it didnt really hit me until last night when i took more that one second to think about it. A whole year has gone by. Another rotation.
God. Soon I'll be 40. Thats how I see it. Gives me a kick in the butt. Makes me want to do what i want more and get rid of everything making me sour.
But thats not today. Thats tomorrow. Today is about remembering not planning. And it seems this year has more to remember than most. Its been one fucked up year. To think were I was at this point last rotation and to think where i am now. Im fairly reluctant to read over any post from last year for fear of what i might re-discover.
But briefly lets just recap this year.
new years eve 06 - leaving my friends, leaving a party i felt part of to go and sit on a block of cement. with no clock no radio no concept and a cold heart.
my birthday at shutzenfest. it ended terrible. lots of hidden words from people and lots of anger.there were lots of conversations. poolside. with stacey around this time.
a party - where i took the cheap way out. the stupid way. i still try not to regret it though because in turn it has made me a different person. it still makes me feel vulnerable to some but its has made a difference.
running away to ballarat. being with new people. putting myself under the spot light. finding out who i was. giving myself up to new people. and then learning i was kept in the dark.
monday kareoke. wednesday pool. thursday soccer. i dont think i need to say anymore. that ended by may.
going out with new friends. growning closer to my sister. i cant even bring myself to say that but when i type it i start to cry. i cant even explain it. but it makes more sense than the hatred we always had. learning to live with new people. being opened to new experiences. new ideas. new lives. and even through this. more people.
example. english backpackers. who drastically take everythign you live by and throw it away and make something for themselves with what they have left. but then you meet more people. and the simpsons rules your life.
you realise you have a problem and you need to grow to fight for what you want. you fight and then moments after you regret it. you realise you have more problems. you stand back. you wait.
you go out and ignore whats around you. make one remark and get thrown back in.and from there.you watch more movies than you ever have been to before. you find that you are more open to questions. you have actually changed through the events of the year. and you sit and cry and the person you are now. more like you than before.
i took a risk and met people - people i did not know. i spent a day with them. got to know them. say another side. i took the risk and trusted alot of people. and to my surprise alot came through for me.
I admit this year. i took alot of time just worrying about myself. but i dont think thats all in all a bad thing. I have definatly come out a different person to where i went in.
i think im almost confident enought to go re-read last year.
But before that...
6 months ago we wrote a list. a list to complete before the end of the year.1- CAMERA. - tax money gave me this. and ai bought a new flashdance camera to - such drama but the hardcore guy at bigW... bonus
2- JOB. - succesfully got a full time job a week or so after writing this list.
3- SHORT COURSE. - didnt have time. although i guess in a way. i am starting to learn to surf. a course in itself.
4- GYM. i joined. i went for 2-3 weeks. i hated it.
5- TRAVEL. i slept on the beach at goolwa. with people i had just met. i saw the stars.
6- DEBIT CARD. - i worked every time the bank was open. then i had no need for one and denied it.
7- TATTOO/PIERCING. i got my boob pierced. it has since left me. but the scar stays and i really like it.
8- RAGDOLL SHOOT. - in a way my alica was my ragdoll. but i dont think ive seen the end of this.
9- GROW MY HAIR. - im growning it as much as i can now after the horrid lesbian incident of just before i met tyrone.
10- GO TO THE THEATRE/OPERA. - i didnt go. i went to the movies liek 18356 times though.
11- BUY FROM IKEA. - cheese grater.
12- COVER MY WALLS IN PAPER. - er....... il say they are but not how i wanted
13- BUY AND WEAR A BANDANA/BEANIE REGULARLY. - i bought 2 hats. and i wear them. im not sxe enough for a bandana
14- WATCH AN ENTIRE TV SERIES ON DVD. done and done. sex and the city
15- ASSERTAIN MY OWN VIDEO RENTAL CARD AND USE IT REGULARLY. - doo dooo yess done and i rent xbox games to!
16- ASSERTAIN A DVD PLAYER TO WATCH SAID MOVIES. doo - doo - yes yes
17- SPEND A NIGHT IN A HOTEL. true that fool i spend 2!
18- EAT TAKE-AWAY ONCE A WEEK ONLY. - DENIED! rofl
19- TREAT MYSELF TO A DAY SPA. denied...
20- RESPECT MY CLOTHING. true that. took a bit but i got there. sans naked pants as they endured paint.
21- WASH MY FACE BEFORE I GO TO BED. i did it once - so it counts
22- VISIT THE DENTIST. DENIED! Hah
23- READ. true that. but all the books are shit house.
24- FILL AN ENVELOPE WITH CASH. - oh my my my how i did :D
25- ROADTRIP. yup - goolwa
26- GET A PROPER HAIRCUT - from tyrones mother.
hmmmm that was slightly better than i thought. i seem to have completed like alot of my list. this fills me with hope.
my january 1st entry just proves that i have, somehow, chosen the right path. if you wonder and are bored.
. Why did i choose to call myself old mince?
January 5th is humorous.
So anyway from now on. As I am starting again. I am starting fresh.
You can now find me here --> Lucky13grl